Shadytay
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Poem Collection Vol. 1 (2015)

2017-07-22 06:30:13 by Shadytay

Pre-poem note: a lot of my poems are free verse and most but not all are about the same person. Ones that are NOT about that one person will have a * by the title. Please enjoy and let me know which was your favorite(s)!


The next 4 poems are from Jun 2015

*T.r.a.s.h.

You can find me everywere
In torn up towns and dark alleys.
I can hide in your pockets and stow away in under car seats.
I can sit in a can or roll in the wind.
And no one will care. 
No "Follow your dreams!" shouted.
Because I am a peice of trash.
And I am only ever picked up to be thrown away again.

 

1:59am

I lay in my bed.
Counting the seconds 
till your next text.
I want you to be beside me
In the place of where I lay my phone on the bed.
Wash me in your love.
So I won't be scared of what may lurk in the dark.
Take my hand and say you love me 
And with a kiss I will love you just as much.

 

sleep

Lay me down
On the sheets 
Of pure white
Soak them 
with the tears of
Joy and sadness
Be afraid of the dark
Then leave a kiss
And pat my head
Tell me everything is okay
Only then I can sleep.

 

*well fed

I sit at the table
Just to wonder and think about myself
Did I do something wrong?
I know I did.
So why do you shove it in my face?
Do you want me to starve myself
Just so that I won't use the usual complaint
"We don't have any food."
Because I know we have food.
But I want a MEAL.
But then I still doubt.
Because you are in charge of me
So I cry and diwdle down the the person I was three years ago.
Until I can be my own person
I must wait.
While the world moves without me.


The next 4 poems are from Nov 2015

i hate love poems

I'm sick of these love songs
Of these stupid poems about happiness
And joy
You are so full of life and inspiration 
If only I had my own stockpile
My own surplus of glee
Everyone has their ups and downs
I know this
But you seem so...
Helpless
Blinded by charm 
So much
That you can't see your own beauty 
"I wish I could help more"
I say
As you cling to me
Desperate for a smiling face
Sure
I'll smile
If it's for you I would do anything
If I had to
I would even write a dumb poem about love

 

Fire

Burn me
Light fire to my skin
And watch it crack
Watch it burn off as a new me takes hold
Yes
I will scream
But only if you don't say 
"It's going to be okay."
I've trusted you then
And I'll trust you now
Because I don't care if I get caught in the flames
I just want you to be safe
And if that means I have to burn
Then so be it
Burn me
Until I am a new person
Burn me
Until I am nothing more than the gentle breeze in your hair 
Because 
I love you
And I care about you
But our love is going to burn me up
So let's set the world aflame

 

Im sorry

I am numb
Like when you stand and your leg feels like static
I feel like I am constantly failing you
I try so fucking hard
Not only for you but for everyone
To be so nice
And be a fucking decent person
For once
I wish I realized it would be hard
Before I even tried
That I should take the easy way out
Screw the road less traveled by 
I don't have the time for that
I just want to be remembered 
As a nice person
As someone who cares
I'm sorry I am silent when I am upset
Because I immediately blame it on myself
Because I don't want to hurt you
I cry as I write because those dark thoughts come back to me
From 4 years ago
When I so desperately wanted to die

And I am almost wishing I did

Forgive me for...
Here I go again
Hoping for forgiveness 
I bet you think I abuse that power

I bet you don't love me anymore because I'm a fucking mess
I always fuck up everything

I'm sorry
I'm so sorry

 

November 17

Some things are better left unsaid
Like how much I miss someone that's not you
I am over her
But at 3am my thoughts wonder
Stalking her Facebook 
Silently cursing her new boyfriend
We used to be best friends
We were best friends 
And partners 
She taught me that I could love anyone I wanted
And that I could change how I was seen
She was never the one for monogamy 
And I didn't understand 
Why she always seemed to have a boyfriend
And me
We got "fake" married
But it felt real to me
She had a ring of strong metal
And I had a cheap plastic ring that I lost the next day
November 17 was the day that happened
So many years ago but I still think about it
I just realized how shitty she was
She loved me but she would date other people
I was just a therapist to help her when she was depressed 
I started to harm because of her
Not because of how I felt but so I could understand the pain
SCREW HER
I have you now
I want to protect you
To love you with all my heart
Because I know you wouldn't purposely hurt me


The next 3 poems are from Dec 2015


Without You

Without words,
We sang into the night 
I used to be your moon,
giving off a warm, dim light
Without you,
I am just another star in the deep dark sky
Without you,
I am free to breathe again
But I'd rather be choking on this hold you have on me
Than be without you.

 

Without you II

Early morning tea
Midday knitting 
Afternoon chats
Late night thoughts 
Blogging about nothing
Talking about the future of my life 
And what I should do
Without you


Without You III [Final]

Sometimes I think about you
in the darkness of my room.
I shouldn't.
My girlfriend would get upset, 
come to find you and wring your neck
She would break your bones
and throw you in the sea.
Because you see, 
I still long for you...
No.
I realized that my feelings are wrong 
about you.
You kept me trapped 
under your "Icy" rule.
(So much for being vague
making you seeing an old name?)
I was hidden in my room,
away from my family.
They mattered more than you ever did.
You just never understood.
I've given up on you.
Unfollow. Remove. Unfriend.
I'm glad we got to know each other.
But my feelings have changed.
I'm glad to be Without You.


Thank you for reading. Yes I did break up with the person these poems were about. Vol 2 should be a bit more vague and not about anyone really so stick around for that!